I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize