we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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