One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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