My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
