Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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