Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
did you just send me my own nude
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize