The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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