We're facebook friends in real life
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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