so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The ass gains better be worth it
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