Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
