there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
