We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
