I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
