i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
