Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
