Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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