..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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