so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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