it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
