I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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