This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think your dad took our porno
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
