Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
