do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
