too bad you live with your parents still
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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