What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
