I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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