chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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