She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
