I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
