i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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