Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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