after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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