I wish i was in the wii world.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
