xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
