my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
