he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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