made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
