Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize