My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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