no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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