Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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