Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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