Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
