i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
