So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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