? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
