It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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