I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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