I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
