like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
