I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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