when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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