My underwear smells like fireworks.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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