I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize