Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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