dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
