hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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