why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
