I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
