you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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