soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize