there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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