you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
