Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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