soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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