shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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