when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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