Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
