i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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